Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Shmalentine's

Today awoke my inner cynicism regarding this overly commercialized day that is deemed a holiday. Yesterday, wasn't so bad and I was highly encouraged by a friends sweet words and still am, so don't take all of this the wrong way. But, this day is just not the same for those of us still stuck in the world of singledom.

Maybe the cynicism has been unleashed because I have returned from the movie "He's Just Not that Into You." Spoiler alert: The movie ends with one who is just as into her as she is to him. So, girls, if you are looking for solace in your state of aloneness this valentine's day, this may NOT be the movie to see.

I have been accused of over analyzing things in my life. Such things include statements people make (sometimes from people I know and sometimes from people I don't know) or how someone is dressed or how they act and their mannerisms. I analyze friendships, familial relationships, dating relationships (both committal and noncommittal alike) and pretty much anything that ends in "ship." So, when I was being ever so productive Friday afternoon at work and surfing my favorite rude, crude and socially unacceptable greeting card site to find unspeakably sarcastic valentine's day cards to make me feel better about this over commercialized day, I came across the following:

My immediate response was to share this little gem of a card with my dear sister, who happens to be the above mentioned accuser. My message attached read something like this...

I have been sitting here patiently all day watching flower, chocolate and balloon deliveries be made to all those around me consoling my self with bits of chocolate I have hidden in various crevices of my cubicle for such a day as today. Of course, I knew you would get a kick out of this card, so I could not resist sending it your way and letting you know that my current Valentine's Day plans include my favorite pj's, frozen pizza bites, ice cream and copious amounts of wine. Happy Valentine's Day, Sister!

Of course, I got an immediate response that she shared in the humor of this card and I would bet, hands down that she found it to be even more entertaining than I did.

As Gigi so eloquently said in the movie today though, "I'd rather be my way than yours!" Without spoiling too much of the movie, I'll just say that she too had been accused of over analyzing and freaking out about men and when they would call and if they would call and what they said, when they said it, how they said it...

What woman in her right mind can relate to that?! I know it may be a real stretch for some of us.

What she was saying though makes so much sense. If being disengaged to such a point all in an effort to spare your own feelings a little worry, stress, heartache and pain, I don't want any part of it! It's totally possible that you might miss 'it.' That moment of connection with someone when you wonder how it might all turn out, those butterflies in the pit of your stomach, the sweaty palms and sleepless nights due to racing thoughts and fantasies. What would life be without all of that?

If you know me well, you might not consider me to be a hopeless romantic and you might even think of me as that girl who doesn't wear her feelings on her shoulders; the one who is sensible and practical and does everything just so to prevent too much heartache and suffering in her own life; analyzing everything to a tee. It's true, that can be me at times. I know what your thinking now...'most of the time in fact."

Under all of the tough exterior, there is a heart inside. One that flutters when the phone rings on occasion, butterflies in the stomach from a stolen glance with a cute guy in the grocery store, curiosity overwhelms me when there is someone new and I don't know if they will call again and I do even check my phone obsessively sometimes when there is even the slightest possibility that a call from someone on the 'interest' list might occur. I chatter the ears off of certain friends about what might happen, why it did not happen, how it could be or could have been and the like.

And even though I am still single and have a heart that's been through the ringer a few times, I refuse to let go of the dream that Mr. Right will come along some day and release that hopeless romantic fully and completely that only bubbles at the surface. And I'm happy to say that I like doing it my way, too!

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